i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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