____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
