If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
