rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize