We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
