During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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