we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
