I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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