you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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