She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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