rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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