How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
