Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
