Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
