now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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