I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
