so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Blood and glitter go together right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
