Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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