kristin has been a bad kristin
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
