why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
