I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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