we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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