i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
