you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
