I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you bring me the toilet please
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
