she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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