I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you inspire me to be a worse person
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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