I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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