Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
