We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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