another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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