I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
