I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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