story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
