you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
