Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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