PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
