So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize