one two three fourrrrnication!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize