Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
