Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize