u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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