he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They are going to name an STD after you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
