his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
