Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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