Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
