SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
