your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
