So drunk its hurt
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
