Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
