guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize