im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
