chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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