How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
