i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
