I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
