i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
