I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
