Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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