i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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