Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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