holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
